The cost of consumption

“Barbara, listen you can’t buy this love, this affection. It seems like you are playing games with men and you even don’t do it professionally. Stop lying to people, stop lying to yourself. After working a decade in this business, you are still expecting to meet a husband? You even do not have friends except me because you always want to receive things but not give. Your lifestyle became so codependent. Since when do you have this devotion to money? Please call your parents and ask them how are they doing, do they need any help. Do something for someone! No more consumption and empty arrogance. Do you understand me?”

“I know, Angela. I am sorry…” She was crying on the other end of the wire.

“Don’t be sorry. It is life, our life. We all in the same boat. I will call you later on. Take care and please think what I said to you, OK?


“Oh my God, she went completely crazy,” thought Angela as she put the phone down.          “I hope I wasn’t too hard with her. This victim of her own delirious ideas and fantasies does not understand that. Being a paid woman she has a less chance to meet someone decent. I realized that myself many years ago. At least I see exactly what is going on and thankfully I handle these emotions differently. More than likely she will change this wrong attitude. I should give her a credit for that.  I passed this already. Nothing better than my true stories.


The source of humanity and the aspects of “They too..”

This could be a First Time when I am not capable of shedding a tear.

There something happened to me in the subway’s car today. The place was not crowded but I kept feeling a staring look on my shoulder. When I turned my head to see who it was I noticed a man, sitting down across the car’s entrance on the single seat in the corner.  He seemed to be somewhere in his 50’s and his body language would suggest he was deeply bothered by the events that could have been happing very recently. I got emotional by looking into his eyes, and out of nowhere, I got the sudden feeling that I would understand his problems, and most likely be available to help ones he tell me what is.

While the train was riding he continued staring at me.  The pause took so long  – got me curious why I am staring back? I couldn’t understand his intention. It was he who broke the silence by saying: “You hold yourself together well”.

The man left car immediately. Luckily the door was already open on one of our line stations, he remained calm and moved comfortably slow as if he possesses a perfect timing sense or if he knew I will not be brave enough to reply.

Later I realized that I could not reply because he took me by surprise giving out a nice encouraging note considering the fact he was so obviously going through something. Something I would expect people to be irritated and not likely to say even a single word. Bang! I remained stuck in my head until the last stop, where instead of waiting for an outbound train back to the missed stop, I got off and went to the evening boardwalk to listen to the sound of the sea and think about us people and our day by day impact on one another. The way we safe space for each other and hold hands when we in need of understanding.

I think we are ourselves the source of kindness and peace on earth. And only we can understand one another, sometimes despite our own needs. While this man could use any kind of gesture or word that would suggest he wants to be left alone eventually, there was his answer, the word of encouragement of kind, some playful act of kindness while being occupied with the thought of a problem. That is a source: the energy one spend to find strengths to remain human to a one next to, going, at times thought inhuman times in one’ life. We all have this energy, infinite energy that is there all the time while one lifetime.

We should use this energy more often to one another – I said to myself, getting up from a bench after a ten-minute break from life fears.

PS:  But what I truly wanted to do all this time that was happening to me on the train is to drop on a car’s floor and roll back and forth. I am tired…



New York, New York…

Welcome to the Land of Freedom and Opportunities, the amazing and colorful city of New York!

You will find it is interesting and different to your native country. However, you have to be ready and prepared because it is not easy to start anything from the beginning, especially to build a new life.

First of all, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”. Although, manage not to lose yourself. Second, the path of adaptation and integration can take longer time than you expect. Therefore, please be patient and more importantly persistent.

I have been traveling a lot before I came to New York. But only this city gives me the experience like no other place. New York is very often calling as the world capital, and that is not accidentally. There are a lot of people of different nationalities, who speak different languages and believe in various gods or have no faith at all, and do not believe to anybody, sometimes even to themselves. I was really surprised how people communicate with each other. They are nice, but it is just the way you should be here. Mentality of the country is that you should be polite and smile and don’t bother people with your problems.

This city looks like the “Yard of wonders” from “Notre Dame de Paris” written by Victor Hugo. In the book, people were acting as though they are disabled and foolish in the day time but in the evening they were “cured”. That’s why this was called the yard of wonders in other words the court of miracles. Same here in NYC. People choose roles and act everywhere. Some of them are really good actors and the other are poor. There is a big amount of lost people. I mean lost not homeless. These “lost people” have a great social life, job, career, income, “friends” but they are lonely and their eyes are fireless and fulfilled of disappointments. They do not have partners (bf or gf), but pets.
The visitors of the city are just able to see a facade, but if you stay here more than a year you can understand all the “miracles” of NYC.
You are more than welcome to get a free admission to “The circus del New York.”

All in all, it is a tough city but as it says in the song: “If I can make it there, I am going to make it anywhere.” Then it is really up to you.

Best of luck!