This could be a First Time when I am not capable of shedding a tear.
There something happened to me in the subway’s car today. The place was not crowded but I kept feeling a staring look on my shoulder. When I turned my head to see who it was I noticed a man, sitting down across the car’s entrance on the single seat in the corner. He seemed to be somewhere in his 50’s and his body language would suggest he was deeply bothered by the events that could have been happing very recently. I got emotional by looking into his eyes, and out of nowhere, I got the sudden feeling that I would understand his problems, and most likely be available to help ones he tell me what is.
While the train was riding he continued staring at me. The pause took so long – got me curious why I am staring back? I couldn’t understand his intention. It was he who broke the silence by saying: “You hold yourself together well”.
The man left car immediately. Luckily the door was already open on one of our line stations, he remained calm and moved comfortably slow as if he possesses a perfect timing sense or if he knew I will not be brave enough to reply.
Later I realized that I could not reply because he took me by surprise giving out a nice encouraging note considering the fact he was so obviously going through something. Something I would expect people to be irritated and not likely to say even a single word. Bang! I remained stuck in my head until the last stop, where instead of waiting for an outbound train back to the missed stop, I got off and went to the evening boardwalk to listen to the sound of the sea and think about us people and our day by day impact on one another. The way we safe space for each other and hold hands when we in need of understanding.
I think we are ourselves the source of kindness and peace on earth. And only we can understand one another, sometimes despite our own needs. While this man could use any kind of gesture or word that would suggest he wants to be left alone eventually, there was his answer, the word of encouragement of kind, some playful act of kindness while being occupied with the thought of a problem. That is a source: the energy one spend to find strengths to remain human to a one next to, going, at times thought inhuman times in one’ life. We all have this energy, infinite energy that is there all the time while one lifetime.
We should use this energy more often to one another – I said to myself, getting up from a bench after a ten-minute break from life fears.
PS: But what I truly wanted to do all this time that was happening to me on the train is to drop on a car’s floor and roll back and forth. I am tired…